Mad...

So, I haven’t written a blog in quite a while and I apologize for keeping my readers in suspense, but there has been a lot goin on in these last couple of months that hasn’t permitted me the time to sit and reflect. Publically anyway. So, I’m blogging today because of a few things have been makin me upset. Now, I’ve tried to let it go and move on, but it seems that the minute I do that, the issue rears its ugly head… AGAIN. And generally, I’d let it go despite even that, but what bothers me is that I’ve confronted this issue in both situations, yet I’m still hearing the aftermath of the issues as if they haven’t been addressed…among other things that had nothing to do with the issue…personal things that I revealed in my effort to be transparent and vulnerable. This burns me beyond words…words that would reflect my Christian values anyway. You see, here is the issue that I have: I came to you. I gave you the opportunity to express yourself, to ask me questions, to be honest about whatever it was that you were feeling. You could’ve told me you hated me and thought I was the devil himself and I would’ve been hurt, but at least you would’ve been honest. You weren’t. Because had you been, I wouldn’t be hearing all this extra stuff. Now I could come to you each and every time I hear something, but I don’t have the time, nor the energy. I’m grown. I’m not in high school. You don’t pay my bills, you aren’t my source of income or transportation, your life does not affect my education one way or the other… so trivially, you don’t mean much to my life. But in the bigger picture, where God holds each of us accountable for our brothers and sisters (because an organization does not determine who we are in relation to Christ), it does matter. What’s funny, is that you completely missed it. And will continue to miss what God is revealing to you because of your preoccupation with what I’m doing. I’m not perfect, neither did I ever claim to be. I am working on me and your constant questioning of where I’m at spiritually is unnecessary and unwarranted. How dare you question God anyway? You have no idea where I am spiritually. And I refuse to let you take me back to where I was because of where you think I should be. Yes, there are things in my past that I’m not proud of…shoot, there are things in my present that I’m not exactly proud of. I have hurt people that did not deserve to be hurt. And I’ve dealt with that. I’ve confronted it. I’ve confronted you. What makes you think I’d make it a point to squash our trivial issue (between you and I), but not handle the aspects of my life that will affect the rest of my life? A better question is: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SHARING MY BUSINESS (BUSINESS THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU) WITH OTHER PEOPLE?? I’ll tell you why. Because you’re messy…and in your little brain, you think that it’ll somehow make you look better. What you didn’t know sweetie, is that the people you ran and told already knew (they humored you) and if they didn’t know about the issue, they already knew me as a person and didn’t think twice about it. You have to stop. Not because you’re tearing down my character, because you’ve tried that (though unsuccessfully)…but because you are affecting your own walk and your own character. All I can do is shake my head because even though I’m writing this to try to help you, you’ll probably take it out of context and have more to say about it. Just know this. I see you. But at the end of the day, I’m over here and you’re still over there. Don’t be mad.