Abstaining from Abstinence

So I feel like this topic is appropriate for a lot of people right now considering that Valentine's Day is 4 days away and that some of you have made plans to just "stay in" if you know what I mean ::wink wink::. Not only that, but the issue of sex and relationships is definitely a year round topic of conversation... it's timeless. So even if you don't get to read this immediately after I post it, I'm sure it'll still be applicable. Now, I prefaced this topic with the fact that everyone talks about this issue, but honestly, it's something that is directly affecting people in my life and I've been feelin' a lot like Dr. Phillis with all the advice I've been doling out. Im not complaining about this fact, but I'm about to repeat some of what I've said and a whole lot of what I really WANTED to say, but kept to myself for fear of being too harsh. So here goes... LADIES, your vagina does NOT equal power (until you're married that is, ha). By that, I mean he will not love you more, be more attentive, decide to make you his girlfriend, or anything of the sort. And IF you get lucky with the last two, it'll be strictly for what you gave up... and not for all of the reasons that you hoped he'd notice when you decided to have sex with him in the first place. He will NOTICE that the sex is good and realize that your "I don't usually do this" is a lie... and continue to tell you whatever it was he said to get your panties off in the first place in order to win you over again and again. A man will only do to you, what you allow... and you wonder why you get played so often. QUIT GOING BACK!! A man will not change for you. He has got to change for himself, through God and prayer and accountability (through another male...NOT YOU). I can't shake my head enough at women who think that they'll gain ANYTHING other than heartache through sex outside of marriage. And don't think for 2 seconds that I shake my head in judgement against you... it's in sorrow FOR you because I've been there. So... many... times. I've been let down so... many... times over guys who turned out to be just another one of them. He will KEEP being another one them until you find someone who will respect your love for God and respect your body the way He intended for it to be respected. I don't care how good he is in bed, how much he loves you, how much he promises to marry you... if you're a Christian, start walking the walk. The fruit (not FRUITS) of the spirit are all rolled into one. You can't pick and choose what you want from it any more than you can pick and choose the traits of the Father. If you're not demanding your own self-respect, how can you demand it from someone else? And why wouldn't you? Don't get me wrong, sex isn't the only sin and I struggle with plenty others, but we are the body...if you don't take care of your own body (drinking excessively, sleeping around, eating terribly) how can we contribute to the body of Christ? Anyway, back to the emotional aspect for a sec...again ladies, if you give your body away to gain power over a man, please realize that with every "sexcapade," as I like to call it, you give up a little bit more of your power. As you continue to give yourself away, you find that you have slowly given away all power... over him, over yourself, and over your sin. You won't make him love you more by giving him what he wants, all you'll do is lose love for yourself and respect from him. Sex DOES NOT equal love... I wish I could get t-shirts made and billboards posted up with that phrase. Now, I can't really speak for how sex affects a man emotionally without saying something completely biased and cliche, but I can say that their lak of respect for what SHOULD be important to her, is disrespectful to the creator of it. You can't blame your inconsideration on her lack of respect for herself. You are in control of your own body, your own values, and your own sin. Don't take from her what she only willingly gives away because she feels that it will keep you. You know it won't. So stop it! Guys like you are the same ones who have humiliated my little sisters, used my friends, and broken me. And just because these girls haven't said so, or keep coming back, doesn't mean that it hurts them any less... or that it won't in the future. Our insecurities bind and blind us and make your empty, sweetly delivered words look like the cure to the doubt we have within ourselves. Please, for God's sake, STOP! And if you're in love, especially if you are, love her enough to do right by her (and God), wait until you're married, and don't allow her to fall into sin. You're supposed to lead us... don't use our God-intended submission for your own purposes. Ladies, stop doubting yourselves, stop believing that you're not worth waiting for, stop selling yourselves short. The man that's meant for you will wait, won't make you feel guilty for it, won't ask you "just one more time," who will struggle along-side you, but will encourage you to continue living righteously. You won't have to guess at what's considered sex or be worried that he'll tell someone what happened last night or wonder how much is enough to keep him around. It's tough... TRUST ME, I know... I was there. It took a lot of "okay, let's try this again" and "Lord, why can't I just be married already"... but it gets easier. There is no temptation known to man that is not already known to Christ... TRUST HIM, He knows... lean on Him... seek counsel... find an accountaility partner who's NOT your ex-partner in crime, who will continue to pray with you and for you, who wants you to succeed no matter what you say or think about them when they check you on your mishaps, someone who struggled, but succeeded (not someone who's currently struggling). This is to both the girls and the guys... this isn't one of my angry rants. I'm not even mad... I'm just really really... sad.

Nostalgic

Thoughts invaded -
Memories evaded for so long, but reminiscence still hangs in the air
And it's there -
Like - the way your cologne lingers on my skin after being close
I didn't know -
That - I'd miss you this much
To be touched -
By you has become coveted - by me 
See, it's this insanity that keeps me thinking
Never speaking - always drinking - in your every action from afar
All I have are memories
If you wanna call them that - I hardly call them fact
Because I've added in my own ending - still pending the answer I expected
Though you neglected to say it all...
I told you - I know you
My - mind is reeling with possibilities
Oh could it be?
How would it be?
This isn't me -
So I - change
Rearrange
Evade my thoughts
Except that I'm not - over it
"You don't get to pick" they say
"But it's making me sick" I say
Oh how I despise nostalgia today